Sunday, September 20, 2009

moods of the rain

What do you feel like when your place, your living place, which supposedly can housed up to 3000 human beings are gone and you were the shit ONLY left alone there. You were so lonely. All you have to communicate and socialize yourself with the outside world is your own cellphone. You common best friend by every hour is your own personal computer.

You are sitting in the room at night while it is raining lightly outside. Listening to some fucking emo song with a soft volume. Thinking of what you should do next. For guys, first thing comes to your corrupted brain might be watching some light porn and get yourself stiff for a masturbation later on or maybe you just want to have a stiff for fun.

It's so fcking sad when there's no one to talk to and when you look outside of your window, it's so fucking sad and heartbreaking again when there's no sign of human being.

Would you care to use your cellphone to call someone?

Would you care to wait your cellphone to ring?

Wonder if you have a 2-months unpaid bill and your cellphone was barred and you run out of credit to actually pay up your bill which can save yourself from being lonely. Or would you rather die starving in your own room just because you wanted to connect yourself to the outside world.

You open up your wallet, you only left 3 RM10 notes. You head to the ATM machine, insert your ATM card, key-in your password, accessing your account and dick into the balance. You only left RM2.87. *wtf*

You owned a guitar in your room. Your only entertainment is playing the guitar and your own personal computer. Yet, you just stupidly suck at it. Yet again, your computer were processing everything slowly and fucking lag in everything that you click in. You would start to feel frustration, desperation, imaginary and paranoia. Waiting someone to save your ass from your prison. You start to do things with no pride. You can't even online to connect yourself with others. You tried to entertain yourself. Getting naked in the room, hoping on the skipping rope just to see your weiyner or boobies flip-flap-flopping up and down trying to make yourself look as stupid as possible, JUST BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO SMILE AGAIN.

While you were trying to leave your room heading to the toilet, you don't even feel safe, thinking that someone might stalks you and peep on you. Your mind were thinking, It's okay! BUT, did you just shake when you're peeing and pooping? Your head doubt the silence in the toilet. You become paranoid when you heard someone wearing flip-flop walks by. You look up your toilet and you sees, OMG, some fucking gay or guy was peeping you taking a shower but luckily, you were resting your ass in peace dropping some poops. You tried to chase and beat the person down, covering your boobies, vagina, dick with the towel before you start to chase him/her down.

While you were lying on the bed, thinking of going to bed earlier, you just can't stop thinking about life. It felt so good when you start thinking about the reality. Wondering every minutes of your lifetime. Comparing your life with the best and worst people. Comparing every status in life. You became wiser but you just can't do anything about it. You became a freak.

Knowing yourself smoking was hazardous to your health. You took out a pack of Marlboro and took out a stick to light up on your lips. You felt totally good about it but you don't understand at all how does it harm your health when there is just such a fucking good gold in this world. You just don't realized or, MAYBE just don't even care anymore that you're feeding some cancer baby cells in your body. Puffing some smokes while listening to the rain drops hitting the roof. However, when you're up to your last stick, you wanted to save the last one for the best but your cigarette were begging you to puff her off. You just can't help yourself and when it's all done, you became insomnia every night thinking, the 3 fucking letters WHY!?

Laying some old movie track on your DVD-ROM, watching black and white old movies every night to make yourself falling asleep. Or you might just ejaculate 3-5 times per day to make yourself exhausted to fall into sleep. Wake up in the next morning. Doing the same routine over and over again. The weather starts to rain and rain again. Everyday, every hour, minutes, second, thinking to leave the place but you just can't. The time still far away.

When you only left the last treasure of your life in your pocket, you'll start appreciating every little things in your life. Even a small dots of a white rice. Even a small amount of sperm in your plain testicles knowing that you'll need nutrition to give birth to them after you squirt. You're so hungry. Dry up in your room. Lying on the floor like a desperate soldier private RYAN hoping Tom Hanks and medic will come save you.

But still, you have to stay alive. Your family is waiting for you back in your home. When the times come to leave, you pack yourself up quickly and leave the room and kiss your room goodbye. Taking everything and going back home. Every wait to see your family makes you impatient and suicidal. You wanted to plug some earphone in your cellphone to listen to mp3 but you don't own an earphone. You desperate to talk to someone. Even a stranger could satisfy your needs. You look around for chicks, they walked and turned away every time you look at them. When there's someone really wanted to talk to you, your emotion broke down.

Holding on again to meet up with your family. When you meet your family, it totally feels good and it's just like someone brings back a Robinson Crusoe. It all so felt so bad again when you're seeing your family getting emo due to some retarded life and reality issue.

Critical moments happen in life. When you tried to tell your empty lonely life story to everyone, no one actually give a fuck about it. Whatever an extremist, loyalist, terrorist, republicans, democRACIST, monarchist, dictatoRACIST just don't give a fuck about you. Your people's champ also don't give a fuck about you. In the end, it all were as if does not fucking matter at all. People only cares about you when you had the FAME. Who do the fuck cares about all the pathetic people in this world. Your grandson might pity listen to your sad life story and they'll forge when it's another tomorrow. Days are never reversing and reminding you what's the pros and cons in life.

Santa Claus would never appears in front of you to put surprised in your Nike, Adidas, Bata, Puma, Power, Converse or whatever it is socks.

Would you not wanted to be happy?

2 comments:

mr. hey said...

just gotta be rich, man... friends can be bought.. pussies too!

Unknown said...

how do you be rich when the rich doesn't care about you?